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Love, Attraction, Attachment, and Intimate Relationships PowerPoint Presentation

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Love, Attraction, Attachment, and Intimate Relationships Presentation Transcript

Slide 1 - Love, Attraction, Attachment, and Intimate Relationships What gets us together and then keeps us that way
Slide 2 - Love What exactly is it ? An attitude ? A phenomenon ? Hard to define – can it be measured ?
Slide 3 - The Love Scale Rubin tried by having hundreds of couples respond to a questionnaire. The Love Scale had three components: Attachment – the desire for another’s presence and emotional support Caring – concern for the other’s well being Intimacy – desire for close, confidential communication
Slide 4 - Is the Love Scale meaningful ? Maybe, couples who scored high spend more time looking in each others eyes
Slide 5 - Types of Love Passionate A state of extreme absorption with and desire for another Intense feelings – sexual desire, then vacillating from anxiety to ecstasy wide-spread physiological arousal Ignorance is bliss
Slide 6 - Passion’s Rapid Course Typically hits fast Logic is pushed aside Can lead to premature commitments Or, the big fade
Slide 7 - Companionate Love Based on friendly affection and deep attachment due to extensive familiarity Less intense Knowing and forgiving Willing to work Endures after passion evaporates
Slide 8 - Sex is rich, mature, communicative, willing to take risks While occasionally passionate love can reemerge as companionate love, sometimes the reverse happens and old friends or co-workers can see their affections ignite sexually
Slide 9 - Sternberg’s Triangular Theory Love’s Three Faces Passion Fuels romantic feelings and desire for sexual interaction and unification Similar to an addiction, intensity causes a powerful craving
Slide 10 - More Sternberg Intimacy The emotional component A sense of bonding Warmth, sharing, emotional closeness Willing to help and share private essence
Slide 11 - The Triangle’s Third Side Commitment The cognitive aspect A conscious decision to love another The choice to maintain a relationship despite challenges
Slide 12 - That’s How It Works ! Putting it all together Sternberg explains the transition from passionate to companionate love Passionate love develops rapidly and intensely, then declines. Intimacy and commitment grow. If they don’t, the drop in passion likely signals the relationship’s end.
Slide 13 - Taking It Apart The interplay of these three components and their varying power over time results in differences in how we experience love. Isolating and combining the three faces gives us informative labels for differing types of love.
Slide 14 - Labels Infatuation – just passion Empty (love) – commitment only Companionate – intimacy & commitment Romantic – passion & intimacy Consummate – love that has it all
Slide 15 - Support for the Triangle ? Research shows that: 1) the presence of intimacy and commitment predict stability and duration, 2) married have more commitment 3) intimacy continually rises in long term relationships 4) passion drops more sharply for women
Slide 16 - Falling in Love Why do we fall in love? Is it to escape loneliness? To answer our deepest need? The ultimate extension of our social network?
Slide 17 - Proximity Geographic nearness The Mere Exposure Effect – repeated contact with novel stimuli tends to increase liking for the stimuli People also tend to meet in locations engaging in activities that reflect common interests – the NHSLS confirms this
Slide 18 - More Proximity Work and school – offer much time shared together and many shared common interests Frequent chances to appraise and predict
Slide 19 - Similarity Lovers often share beliefs, values, attitudes, interests and intellect Usually they have similar levels of physical attractiveness Homophily – tendency to have relationships with those of equal education, social status, age, religion, etc.
Slide 20 - Reciprocity We tend to like people who like us Couples who show equal levels of affection last longer
Slide 21 - Physical Attractiveness Attractive people ate both sought as friends and lovers and perceived as possessing many desired qualities We like to look at them We think they have more to offer We like being seen with them Maybe they are more confident We think they are healthier
Slide 22 - Heloise and Abelard Plenty of proximity Similar interests Same social class Abundant reciprocity Both physically attractive
Slide 23 - Why are Looks so Important ? Is this preference innate? Men, world-wide, are especially influenced by physical attractiveness in particular youth and healthiness. Desire to maximize reproductive capabilities? But as time goes on the importance of beauty fades.
Slide 24 - Attachment An intense emotional tie between two individuals, usually, but not always, mother and child Three major styles 1) Secure – Mom as base for exploration, only moderately distressed when she leaves, reassured at return, then more exploration
Slide 25 - Insecure Attachment 2) Anxious-Ambivalent – marked by extreme separation anxiety 3) Avoidant – cannot decide if they want to be close to Mom or not Both styles result from child’s temperament and Mom’s parenting
Slide 26 - Adult Effects of Attachment Styles Children with secure attachment show much greater social competence Easier to get close to people No fear of abandonment
Slide 27 - Anxious-ambivalent children show great uncertainty responding to others Marked by a poor self-image Insecure in relationships Fear rejection
Slide 28 - Avoidant children often have negative views of others and avoid intimacy Reluctant to trust Overall, 50 to 60% of American adults are secure, 25% avoidant, and 20% anxious-ambivalent These patterns seem to follow into adulthood and recur with romantic partners
Slide 29 - Viewing Pairs In a study involving 354 couples: 1) In over half, both had been securely attached 2) There were no anxious-ambivalent or avoidant couples! Securely attached also communicate better
Slide 30 - Relationship Issues Loving, sexual relationships have their downside, more: criticism conflict ambivalence, and talk If that wasn’t enough – less tolerance
Slide 31 - Why? There is a complex interplay between love and sex. For while most of us can be sexually attracted to someone we do not love, feelings of love and sexual attraction are usually both present and desired.
Slide 32 - Sex: Good thing? Bad thing? Does sex strengthen a relationship? Sometimes, but often sex before intimacy can create emotional distancing. Also, some justify sex by entering into premature commitments.
Slide 33 - Mars vs. Venus? Do the sexes view sex and love similarly? Men rate romances on the quality of sex but do not think that love is necessary for sex. But both sexes value love/affection in sexual relationships and more & more men think that sex suffers w/out love.
Slide 34 - Gays & casual sex Are gays more casual about sex? A widespread belief that research has established as false. Gay men, at least some, engage in casual sex because they are MEN not because they are gay. Lesbians often wait until intimacy.
Slide 35 - The Ultimate Test More importantly, since many have same-sex relations in late childhood and adolescence, it is falling in love with someone of their own sex that cements their gay identity.
Slide 36 - Sexual Expression in 2006 The times, they are a changing How should we choose our own personal, sexual style of life in such fluid and chaotic times? Our text provides some guidelines since traditional rules and norms seem wanting to many.
Slide 37 - Know Yourself Evaluate your expectations and needs Think about your values Decide how you will protect yourself (and your partner) from STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
Slide 38 - The Ultimate Question Will the decision to engage in a sexual relationship – with this person, right now – increase positive feelings about myself and my partner? If the answer is NO – communication is a must.
Slide 39 - Ending Relationships Most of us want it crisp and clear The one breaking off the relationship suffers more? Perhaps they initially feel guilt, discomfort, etc. But who feels worse two weeks later?
Slide 40 - Coping with Rejection unrequited love – 90% have loved someone who doesn’t feel the same way. Is it an appraisal of your worth/value? No, usually just personal preference “Better to have loved and lost than …”? But what about that withdrawal effect?
Slide 41 - Jealousy An unpleasant emotional reaction brought to life by a real or imagined relationship involving one’s partner and a third party Is it a necessary sign of love? Or is it a sign of someone losing what they control or possess? A blow to self-esteem?
Slide 42 - More Jealousy Can be increased by envy of “the rivals” characteristics: Females – attractiveness & popularity Males – wealth & fame
Slide 43 - Who is most prone to jealousy? People with low esteem Those who see a big gap between who they are and who they would like to be, an idealized self image People who highly value status and physical attractiveness ?
Slide 44 - Jealousy and Violence Can cause violence both in marriages and dating relationships Usually it is directed against lover/partner rather than the rival Mix in alcohol ….
Slide 45 - Sex Differences Women - more likely to acknowledge focus on emotional aspects Men - often deny focus on sexual implications
Slide 46 - Why are we jealous? All due to evolution? Men fear that “their" children are really someone else’s? Women fear that emotional “betrayal” will soon be followed by abandonment, jeopardizing her children’s future? Does perceived parenting ability play a role?
Slide 47 - Coping with jealousy Difficult since problem often does not stem from relationship If motivation to change is present, strong communication can help solve, or lessen, the problem
Slide 48 - Jealousy’s Inherent Irony It produces negative emotions It is self-defeating since it damages what it tries to protect.